


Entropy

by malignantmandrake



Category: FMA - Fandom, Fullmetal Alchemist, Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Elricest, Incest, M/M, Sibling Incest, Sibling Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-10
Updated: 2013-10-10
Packaged: 2017-12-29 01:17:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/999149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/malignantmandrake/pseuds/malignantmandrake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With the return of their bodies, Edward gains more than just his own limbs- unwanted emotions begin to fester alongside Alphonse's recovery.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Entropy

The first week or so after the two boys had retrieved their bodies had been spectacular- Edward had been happy to have his arm and leg back, sure, but his brother… his brother had gone so long without any of his body, and now he had it all back. He could taste his favorite foods, feel the grass tickle his toes, get dirt stuck in his fingernails, all of those little things people forgot about in the noise of their lives; Alphonse had lost them for far too long, but he had them back now, and neither Alphonse nor his older brother could have been more over the moon about it. Sure, things weren’t perfect- the younger Elric’s body had atrophied so badly that making his way up and down the stairs was a workout and he had to work himself up in order to rise from bed in the mornings. Still, it was more than worth the hassle (though Alphonse had to admit, while he enjoyed being out of that suit, he could have done without the constant hunger pangs and lack of stamica.) The elder blonde was amazingly happy for him, he loved seeing his brother able to experience everything again.

A few weeks passed, and things got better. Alphonse could walk further and further down the road from their home with every passing day, his muscles slowly growing as he reaclimated them. He was eager to show them off, and Edward was more than understanding about the excited calls drawing him in from from other rooms, Alphonse exclaiming about how his calves had gained an entire half inch in circumference. The first tim Al had realized he’d garnered enough fat around his belly to actually grab at, his brother though he would end up throwing a party in celebration. Edward’s progress with his arms was just as slow and steady, but he underplayed his excitement for having them back. He was too entranced with his brother, finding an emotional pull towards Alphonse that seemed to grow with eachnew milestone, with each notice of Alphonse’s new growths- it took a couple weeks to come to the realization that his appreciation of his brother's features that didn't seem as innocent as it should have been, and a good time longer to admit that realization to himself.

Edward could note how Alphonse had matured while his body was inside the Gate- the extra height he now had over Ed, the way his shoulders had lifted more than enough to give sign that he'd been through puberty, the light fuzz of almost transluscently blonde hair that grew on his body, the way his skin flushed on a hot day... things that made Ed's face red and stirred an uneasy feeling in his stomach. Even little things like going swimming together, Edward had to make sure not to let his eyes wander too freely for fear of his affection materializing in ways he would prefer Alphonse not see. It was embarrassing and stupid, but what could he do about it? Wait for it to go away, he supposed. His brother’s body was simply unfamiliar, and as sad as that sounded, it was true. Once his mind began registering Alphonse’s matured body as kin, it would disappear, right? He ignored it for as long as he could manage, pretending the buzz between his ears and the pounding of his heart had nothing to do with Alphonse changing in the same room as him, convincing himself it was just coincidence.

That strategy could only work for so long though, and, as expected, it did eventually run its course. No longer able to deny the feelings, Edward tried to shame himself out of having them. An attraction for your own flesh and blood? He repeated to himself that it wasn't right, it was monstrous. For all those years, he'd protected his little brother. How could he protect his brother from something like this, though? It wasn't as if he could fight this problem away, as much as he seemed to he would have known that, logically, Al would love him despite something like this, he was in too much of a frenzy to realize that. To Edward, this was something Al wouldn't look past, it was something he thought Al shouldn't look past. If he couldn't hide it, he deserved whatever came to him. If he couldn't shove this dirty little secret down into the crevices of his soul, he deserved whatever punishment he got. The older of the two boys had never exactly considered himself a godly man, but this was more than simply ungodly, it was downright devilish.

As time passed, the attraction grew. Edward became touchy around Alphonse, noticeably so. He was no longer the relaxed, understanding older brother; now he flinched away the moment they got too close, he siezed up when they hugged, and he downed dinner as fast as he could before going to be on his own in another part of the home or going out (he never gave a clue as to where he was going, though.) The younger Elric would ask if everything was alright, Edward would respond, 'Yeah, why wouldn't it be?', and then be met with a nod and an understanding smile, one that seemed to portray more sadness to Al than happiness. This wasn't how things were supposed to go after they'd gotten their bodies back, they were supposed to be happy and have normal problems and fight about normal things, like how many cats Edward would allow in their small apartment, or who did the dishes! For the life of him, Alphnse couldn’t figure out what had gone wrong.

Ed dealth with his problem of unwanted in attraction in the best way he could think of, though it did nothing for his guilt. His long, glossy hair had been loosened from its braid and was splayed out over his back and shoulders, a single sheet draped over his mostly bare skin. When he closed his eyes, the memory of Al having walked out of the bathroom, dripping wet and shining under morning light filled the black beneath his eyelids. It had been comedic at the time, Alphonse had simply forgotten about clothes; after going so long without them, he was out of practice in reminding himself to grab them before entering the shower. The memory was back from shortly after they'd gotten their bodies back and Al had still been gaunt and his bones had still been grinding against his skin, his hair dull and cut crudely by Edward considering he didn’t have the strength to make it to the barber. Still, just the fact that it was his Alphonse, his loving, understanding, and beyond well-natured brother made him perfect, he looked just as wonderful to Edward then as he did now- which made it that much worse. Edward couldn't pass it off as a purely physical attraction brought on by how well Alphonse had matured, it was an actual attraction to his entirety, inside and out.

The image came to him almost every night now, barring him from sleep until Edward released his craving through the only method familiar to him- though it got rid of physical adoration that plagued him until that next morning, it did nothing for his emotional longing. He supposed he’d have to deal with that much of it on hiw own. If nothing else, the release from physical desires was enough to allow himself to sleep. So there he lay propped up on one forearm and his knees, face full of reddened embarrassment and stuffed into his pillow. His hand palmed down inside of his boxers, grasping and rubbing at the blood-hardened flesh. He tried not to enjoy it, as usual. Edward always tried desperately to just finish and pretend it hadn't happened, pretend he hadn't just gotten off to the thought of being with his brother, but imagining the taste of Al's soft lips and the way his short, round toes would curl as he asked his brother for more, it was too much to completely shut out. As always, he only allowed the weak call of Alphonse's name to slip from his mouth once, right before he lost control and emptied his lust into his underwear and let the guilt wash over him. And, as always, he flopped down limply into his bed, berating himself until he finally found silence in his slumber, and while Al went to bed in the next room, having heard the rustling, and thinking it to be a nightmare. In Al's mind, his brother was broken. He was having nightmares, he was unable to let go of their past. That explained Edward's reclusive behavior, didn't it? What they'd gone through, what Ed had done for him, so he could have his body back, it had been too much, and now he couldn't deal with the weight. Guilt all around, it seemed, both Elric boys now resting buried in their own percieved sins.


End file.
